Silence - A Short Story

A day in the life of a coward

I woke up to the sound of my alarm at 8 in the morning.  I reached for my phone, which was on my bedside table, to turn it off.  On the screen was a reminder: “Don’t take phone to washroom.”  I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes and then got out of bed.  I picked up my phone again and headed to the washroom.  As I sat on the toilet, I turned Focus Mode off on my phone and opened YouTube.  Focus Mode is this really useful feature that they have on phones nowadays. On my phone, it is generally activated, which means that I can’t access some of the more addictive apps. So, every time I want to use YouTube or Instagram, I have to go through the grueling task of swiping down and turning Focus Mode off.  Like most other things in life, after a while, it turns into a nice little ritual. It’s akin to the unsettling images of lung cancer printed on the back of cigarette packs. Maybe not exactly…but it serves the same purpose. Watching people smoke now is quite sad, thanks to this new norm. They look at the back of the pack and think, “Maybe someday”, and take out a cig.  Anyway, that’s how I use Focus Mode.  

My YouTube recommendations are often filled with clips of fiery debates. Sometimes they border into abject insult contests, but those are quite satisfying to watch as well. It’s usually some know-it-all guy firing verbal rounds of ammunition at a political or otherwise opponent, and the opponent, who’s never the most intelligent in their tribe, is absolutely baffled by how royally they’re being roasted.  What always struck me as odd about these videos is the fact that they are uploaded by a third party who is unknown to both the know-it-all and the buffoon. This guy took it upon himself to make these ‘reaction’ videos.  He curates videos of these debates and introduces the videos with his own incoherent and excited opinions.  All the videos have the same thumbnail:  This guy pointing to the know-it-all in question, with an ecstatic expression on his face. How does this guy live with himself?! I thought to myself as I got up from the toilet and left the washroom. 

I got ready and started walking to class, which was barely ten minutes away from my room.  I wore the same outfit every day: sweatpants and a hoodie.  It was almost like a uniform for me.  Most people wore similar clothes but there are always the clowns that decide to make everything a “look at me” contest. It wasn’t rare to see guys wearing ties and three-piece suits to class.  The girls seemed not to be able to distinguish between a classroom and the Oscars.  At first, I thought these geniuses were going to parties right after class and didn’t have time to change.

As soon as I walked into class, I couldn’t help but notice the familiar characters of the college classroom. It was as if a university lecture hall was this sitcom that ran all year, every year, with different actors filling them in.  There were the front row lead roles who thought their opinions were all gems of wisdom that needed to be shared and imparted to the laymen.  Then, there were the middle row supporting roles, mostly with their phones out, looking distracted and cool, and finally, there were the backbenchers who played sports.  I usually sat in the middle rows, not because that was my tribe but because I definitely didn’t fit into the other two.

Today’s class was about revolutions.  The professor was talking about how the modern world has become one where the majority of people in every first world country is docile and apathetic.  Yeah, says the very adventurous college professor, I thought to myself.  This guy probably studied revolutions when he was in college thinking that’s what Che Guevara studied, and now here he is, living a life decidedly unlike Che Guevara’s.

The first hand went up. Prof always smiled and graciously allowed the students to speak although the resentment of being interrupted by 18-year-old know-nothings was often clear and present in his eyes.

“I was wondering if it was always like this in societies where there was an abundance of resources, or is there something unique about our times?” asked the student and looked around to make sure her friends nodded in validation.

“Thank you, Hannah, that’s a great question.  It is indeed true that people always tended to be more acquiescent in societies that had material distractions, no doubt about that.  But there is something uniquely sinister about the age we are in…” he paused and smiled for dramatic effect; “thanks to our dear friends in Silicon Valley.” The class broke into murmurs of thrill.  The excitement of standing up to the big factory owner with a cigar in his mouth never seems to ease its grip on the young.

Another hand went up.  “I’ve been thinking about how enrolling your kid into a STEM field is more likely to make them conservative and socially unaware.  What do you think?”  Everyone started laughing and these were laughs of violent approval.  The girl who asked the question high-fived her friends as she beamed with the exhilaration of having impressed the entire classroom.

Prof was laughing too, but his laugh was a slightly insecure one.  He was beginning to feel like the try hard old man in the room, it was time to take back control.

“You know, I have some personal experience with what you’re talking about.  Both my parents are Indian and when I said I wanted to major in Sociology, you can imagine what kind of a conversation that was at home.  Not an easy one, that I can tell you!”  Some scattered laughter.  “They still don’t know what I’m doing with my life…but let me ask you guys this.  You all spend a fair amount of time on campus and must have met the engineering students.  Tell me, do they have any social skills whatsoever?!” This was a death blow. Indeed, to an absent enemy, but a deathblow, nonetheless.  The classroom roared with laughter.

I’ll admit, I was a bit more than irritated by now.  Here is this guy, standing in a room with air-conditioning, speakers, a projector and an entire arsenal of devices on his desk, and out of all the people he could pick on, he chooses engineers.  What an ungrateful prick!

“I mean, I don’t mean to isolate anyone though, does anybody disagree?” asked prof.  I looked around, not a single person! When I turned back to face the prof, he was looking right at me.  But, as soon as I met eyes with him, he turned away.  I felt a slight tinge of fear that immediately dissipated. 

“I’m afraid we’re going to have to end on that note today.  I’m going to have your midterms posted by next week, so let the TAs know if you have any questions.  Have a great weekend!” 

As I left the classroom, I futilely fought against my instincts to walk over to my favorite burger joint.  The fact that it was right across the street from the Sociology building obviously made it a sinfully unfair fight.

As I stood in line at the counter, the lady behind it saw me and gave a welcoming smile.  She knew what my order was going to be.  She probably also knew that if I went at this rate, I would be paying off my burger loans in installments.  How is she going to judge me?  She’s the one that works at a burger joint, I thought as a way of pacifying myself.  

Every time I went through the motions of buying my meal at this burger place, I came to a devastating realization: this was the part of my day that I looked forward to the most.  Nothing matched the satisfaction that it gave me.  Every time I sat down at the table with the tray in front of me - burger, onion rings and coke untouched - and put my earphones on as I started looking for a good video to watch on YouTube, I felt like I had just checked into a hotel room in heaven.  If there ever was an image that perfectly captured the concept of decadence, this was it.

“Man debates crazy mob of students on campus.” Ah, looks like we have a winner.  I pressed play and sank into my chair as I picked up the burger to take my first bite.

*****